Bitearsweet

I just had my first 古箏 exam yesterday and needless to say... it did not go well. I left work at 2:30 pm to get there a little earlier so I could register and tune my instrument. It didn't really matter considering they were behind and even though I was scheduled to do my exam at 3:15 pm, I didn't go in until about 4:15 pm. So I go in and the first thing they say is, "where's your book? you just have photocopies?" Obvious X in the books. (I later found out from my teacher that they are the ones that publish the exam books and obviously want you to buy them, but my teacher photocopies the pages to help us save money). Then they tell me that I'm missing 2 pages: the rhythm clapping and melody singing pages >_<. X number 2! So I ended up running around trying to figure out what to do cos I knew I didn't bring it. Luckily Shawna had the book so I borrowed it but I had ran around maybe for 5 minutes. Then halfway through my technique piece someone knocks on the door and then they end up switching one of the judges. I was already nervous so when I heard the knock I kinda lost my place for a bit and obviously screwed up. X number 3. Then my actual piece was messy (FAR from how I play it normally) and the judge said that I didn't play with enough strength, especially one part, so I couldn't really portray the feel of the song. OBVIOUS X number 4. Then during the rhythm clapping part I screwed up twice (yes, he gave me 2 chances and I screwed up both times). He ended up choosing another rhythm page for me to clap cos it was "easier" which meant X number 5. I got that one no problem, but by then I was pretty much dead and my self-esteem was already smashed to bits. Then he told me to sing the first melody. I was told that we could play it, but I wasn't even given the choice. Luckily I sorta knew it but I was so shocked it took me a good 30 seconds before I started. X number 6!! And did I mention he didn't ask me questions about my song like what it meant and the composer and stuff? He completely skipped past the oral section of the exam, possibly partially due to the fact that I spent about 5 minutes running around looking for music. 1... 2... 3... no I think that warrants 4 Xs right there.

Pretty devastating exam don't you think? I know it's my very first time doing the exam and I jumped straight into grade 5, but I can do SO much better than what I did yesterday and I even practice 2-3 hours a day! If I can't even do something simple like this, especially taking into consideration HOW LONG I've been doing music and how many piano exams I've taken before, I simply just may not be cut out for this music stuff.